Dear diary...
I don’t even know where to start. I’m feeling lazy and
useless as I always do during this time of the day.
Yesterday I told one of my newest friends, who I really don’t
know well, that she should fuck off.
Just because I’m so jealous of her and my boyfriend hanging
out together, doing stuff together, laughing with each other,
saying that they are so like each other etc…
But why shouldn’t I be suspicious? Don’t I have the
right?
I’ve been cheated on before, and yes it’s a
stupid thing in the past, but I was in love, and I was told that he
was in love with me too, by my so called best friends and by
himself.
I caught them together, doing it behind my back.
Nothing hurts more, when you put trust on someone and it’s
used as the most hurtful weapon against you.
That bitch who called herself my best
friend, used the weapon and just didn’t care about
me.
She was always by my side when I was feeling depressed, she really
made me feel like I’m worth something.
I was happy to have a one and only true friend I could trust
on.
She just wanted to know how I am as a person, my weaknesses, my
past.
She used me as an experiement, as a toy.
She said that I’m her best friend and that she could never
hurt me. Also we had a 10 years friendship behind us. Nothing
could tear us apart. For me it felt real.
But how wrong I was…
Spitted on me, kicked me when I was down, scarred my heart with the
next things she did.
And the boy, is not worthy of my time and toughts any longer,
but it still hurt, scars can easily be torn
open.
No, I don’t see that evil in everyone who call themselves my
friends.
But I have my selfdefence on, and I don’t know how to turn it
off. Every time someone tries to earn my trust, I think of
everything I had to go through with that bitch, and what could
eventually happen if I drop my guard.
I just don’t want to take the risk. It still takes time to
heal.
If someone tells me I’m their best friend, I just can’t
take it.
To me it feels like, that I’m that worthless little girl who
just couldn’t play the game right, I can be tossed away
whenever. It’s synonyme for “easy
target” or “someone I can use to get
to my real goal.”
To me it’s empty words, and that’s something that
people doesn’t get. Words doesn’t mean anything
to me.
Oh but I
ain't one to call names
Or throw
stones in a house of glass
You try
me
This is a
motherfuckin' invitation
The only one
you could ever need
This is a
motherfuckin' invitation
You try
me
